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Episode 2: Acting Out As A Self Defense Mechanism

Defense Mechanism


Episode Two: ‘Acting Out’ As A Self Defense Mechanism


“So can you tell me what happened the night of the robbery?” I asked Hamza after the small talk was over.

“I already told the investigators everything I know” Hamza spoke very quickly. He started tapping his right foot uncontrollably with beads of sweat sliding down his forehead.

“Do you mind telling me again?”

“I dunno much. I was in my room the whole time”

“So you never seen the guests? Or had dinner with the family?” I asked, checking my notes and police reports to see if he was getting his story straight.


“What else did you do that night?”

“Nothing special, I was downstairs in my room all night” Hamza stiffened his shoulders and rubbed his nose. “I was asleep”

“You told the police you saw your friend’s mom Sameera go upstairs around dessert time.”


“Did you?”

“I woke up hungry. I stepped out of my room, called Alffie to get me some food. Then I saw Aunt Sameera sneak upstairs”

“Alffie is Alfred. The butler, correct?”


“So what else were you doing in your room that whole time?”

“I told you! I slept and played video games” Hamza frowned, pressing his fingers to his temples.

“Oh, I don’t think you’ve mentioned that. What game were you playing?”

“Ummm Avengers?” Hamza stuttered.

“Is that the same game where you chase the dragon?” I looked him straight in his doped, Hazelnut eyes.


“I don’t know what that means” Hamza’s palms were sweating at this point, too.
Dangerous memories flashed before his eyes so vividly I could hear his heart pound against his chest.


A couple of months ago


“Dude this is good stuff” Hamza slurred.

“I told you” His friend winked.

“Honey did you remember to…”

“Mommmmmm! I told you a hundred times, don’t charge into my room without knocking!” Hamza roared.

“I’m sorry baby I didn’t mean to…. Oh, what’s that smoke?” Amy sniffed the air.

“Nothing it’s a chemistry project for school, now get out!”

“Do you need any help?”

“No Mom! Just go now so we can finish our project.”

That same night, Hamza allegedly ‘borrowed’ the keys to his mom’s Maserati, went for a midnight cruise with his friend and ended up being arrested.

“Mom! I’m dying! You gotta get me outta this joint” Hamza wailed. He was allowed one phone call, so naturally he called the only person who usually gets him out of such troubles scot-free.

“Officer, may I have a word with you please” Amy asked elegantly.

Within half an hour, the police report was shredded in exchange for a locked black brief case, and Amy was back home, tucking her son in bed as if nothing had happened.

She made him promise to quit and to never ever breathe a word about this to a soul, especially his father.



“Seriously lady, what’s that supposed to mean?” Hamza asked me again, his voice shaking this time.

“I think you know what it means” I replied calmly.

As if this was his cue to blow up, Hamza rose to his feet, his anger boiling up like lava, and his eyes blood red.

“Please sit down. We’re not done here”

“Oh you bet we are!” Hamza stormed up to his room yelling and cursing, stopping momentarily to grab a crystal vase and slam it against the wall.


That same evening


“How rude! I swear if I had spoken to my parents that way, or any grown up for that matter, I would have been buried alive. With poisonous rats. In a dungeon.” Jenna, my assistant remarked.

“I know. Our parents had zero tolerance for disrespect. You can’t totally blame Hamza for his behavior though, he obviously doesn’t know any better” I said.

“Don’t defend that spoiled brat” Jenna spit out.

“I’m not. I’m completely appalled by his behavior, too. But I can’t help thinking his anger and acting out are just another form of self defense mechanism”

“Like how? He’s also separated from reality and lives in a far-off, ‘Angry Bird’ world?” Jenna joked.

“No” I laughed. “When we’re physically attacked, we fight back with all our might. The same goes for emotional attacks. When someone hurts our feelings, they tap into our innermost insecurities and fears. They make us feel exposed and helpless, so we rage and act out. If you think about it, for some people, expressing anger is a symbol for regaining a sense of power and control.”


“Please tell me this is against Islamic teachings or I’m gonna cry in my coffee.”


“Of course it is. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) advised us to never get angry, because anger is from Satan. There’s no ‘power’ in it at all. He also said.


“The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger.” https://sunnah.com/bukhari/78/141


“What about those who stuff their anger inside but retaliate with the scary silent treatment instead?”

“That’s being passively aggressive, which is another type of self defense. These people will shut down completely to escape dealing with the problem, but their eyes…. ho-ho… if looks could kill!”


“Yes! YES! These are exactly my mom’s moves. Her eyes widen, her breath sharpens and her nostrils open up. She’d be silent alright but her piercing look could make a grown man pee his pants! I swear if there’s a country named ‘Passive Aggression’, my mom would be their queen! Beating us up would have been more merciful”

“Aggression rarely solves anything, Jenna. Neither does passive aggression. Those who can anger you that much evidently have control over you. Their words must have affected you in one way or another, especially if they threaten to touch any feelings of fear, guilt or hurt you’ve been harboring deep inside”

“Okay I need to remember this for the future. Might come in handy when I’m bragging to my friends about my Psychological powers” Jenna winked.

“You’re such a child”

“I’m serious. Ughh where’s my notepad. I gotta to write this down.”

“It’s in the alphabets. A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H… so F, G, H is Fear, Guilt and Hurt”

“Who’s the child now?” Jenna teased.

“You know, acting out is the self defense mechanism children use when they don’t get what they want. They throw tantrums at Toy stores and scream at the top of their lungs when it’s time to leave the playground because many of them haven’t developed adequate skills to deal with emotional pain yet. And believe it or not, some of them never really develop any as they grow older, so whenever they feel threatened, even adults will behave like children and act out.”

“Hmmmm so Hamza feels threatened. Why is that? Doesn’t seem like his feelings got hurt. He must be scared or feeling guilty” Jenna smirked.

“That’s a possibility yes…”

“Oh come on! The answers are staring you in the eyes. Hamza obviously did it. Yesterday when his mom offered him money, he said no. Which teenager says ‘no’ to money?”

I tapped my pen on the desk, contemplating Jenna’s words silently. She had a point, but was it valid enough to accuse the son?

“Do the math. He was defensive, agitated, rude and sweaty. Oh and RICH! It’s definitely him”

“Look who’s jumping to conclusions. Awwwhhh I’m so proud” I teased.

“AND he’s trying to make his mom’s friend Sameera look like the main suspect. I mean, was there any proof she went upstairs right before the necklace disappeared?”

“Actually….. There was…..”


To be continued….


Lilly S. Mohsen




 Author’s Commentary

I read somewhere that putting a mirror behind the salesperson at the store will stop customers from getting angry. They wouldn’t want to watch themselves behave in an aggressive manner. It’s unsightly. You know why? Because the jig is up! Anger isn’t perceived as a sign of power anymore, it’s a sign of weakness. We’re old enough to realize it’s just a cover up; a smoke screen to hide the pain we feel. Besides we all know the famous hadith, right?

“The strong man is not the good wrestler; but the strong man is he who controls himself when he is angry.” https://sunnah.com/urn/2054430

Nonetheless, anger isn’t the problem. The word ‘when’ in this hadith proves it’s a common emotion, for it serves as a signal something is horribly wrong, and you need to do something about it. And you know what we do since we’re absolute geniuses loool? We ‘act out’ the destructive feelings of anger instead of actually fixing the problem, and so inevitably we end up back in square one. When someone’s words for example makes you feel threatened or guilty, all the voices in your head clobber you with different takes on the situation:

“Sara’s getting on my nerves again”

“I know she probably doesn’t mean it but still”

“Sara is always taking advantage of my kindness.”

“I shouldn’t say anything I might regret”

“If I don’t speak up Sara will think I’m a wimp”


My advice? Practice the ‘pause’. Breathe, filter out your thoughts and try to control acting out the ‘unproductive’ ones. You’ll thank me later when you win people over instead of lose them one by one. Prophet Muhammad’s golden words will help you reach the respectful level of ‘emotional strength’, and boy don’t we all need that in this time and age?

Day Eleven: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan


DAY ELEVEN: Be A Therapist For A Day


I’m writing this while being held at gunpoint.

Can I just take a moment before I depart this world to applaud moms who have more than two kids at home….
Seriously, HOW do you do it? Especially single moms like me. No really, HOW?!

My son is sitting right next to me, sending me texts and voice notes on ‘Whatsapp’ while talking to me. And I have to respond to both conversations at the same time or I’m in BIG trouble! And on the other side is my daughter, who had just handed me a revision sheet for me to test her before her final exam tomorrow.
I’m only one person, so how does that work?
Is there some kind of class I missed in high school and that’s why I don’t know this stuff? Loool


Even though I’m a very private person, I’ve been told my blog writings can sometimes get ‘too personal’.
Perhaps that’s true….
I guess even the most tight-lipped people will let something slip, because as much as they struggle to stay reserved, they’re human, with a built innate need to be understood. Our ego stands up and nudges us to deny it, but it doesn’t change the fact that we all have a constant crave for our feelings to be validated, no matter how trivial or dramatic they may seem. Sometimes we just need to talk, not to seek solutions or sympathy, but to hear our minds’ inner thoughts and see that we’re not alone, there are people out there who can relate, you know?

Except another part of human nature dictates the exact opposite. We think no one will understand. We think no one else has problems or pain or a ‘plate full of tears’. We can be so self absorbed that we only see our merits and look at other people’s faults, even when it comes to the closest people to our hearts.

Our problems are magnified (coz we are so up close against them with our cheeks squashed into the closed window) and so we fail to notice the rest of the world’s problems, yet insist we’re compassionate people, who live to serve others.

Once the ego stands up, it completely blocks our view of how others might feel..

We expect them to be there for us ALL the time, no matter what they’re going through, yet give ourselves excuses when we can’t do the same..
No wonder some of us end up alone, because a relationship based on ‘always taking’ or ‘always giving’ doesn’t stand a chance..

Does all the above sound a little bit too familiar?
Did it hit home yet?
I know, I would never admit it either, not even to myself loool

Now men might not relate to this very much, but women will totally get it, coz our relationships with family, friends, neighbors and coworkers are what matter to us the most. Once any emotional connection is threatened (especially if it’s a close one) we go a little bit insane.


We turn into creatures we barely recognize; professional blamers, psycho maniacs, stalkers, naggers, private investigators, and bitter hatemongers. We stone wall and shut people out, or just hibernate and disappear into thin air.

And when we’re finally alone, and especially when we realize our relationship with ourselves is devoid of peace and harmony, too, that’s when depression hits hard…

We collapse..

We lose the ability to help ourselves
And that’s when we need help the most..
That’s when we need real ‘empathy’….

You know, sympathy is the easiest thing in the world. You can watch a movie and cry buckets when the noble dad dies, or see a picture of a Syrian refugee and feel your heart ache.
It’s easy because you’re in your comfort zone, safe and detached.
It’s getting down to your knees, and actually feeling that person, that’s the hard part.
It’s putting yourself in their place and realizing the only difference between you and them is a twist of ‘preordained destiny’, the same Divine will that put them there could have easily put YOU in their spot.

We just want to feel like someone understands what we’re going through…
We just want ONE genuine person who won’t run or get defensive, or start lecturing us or emotionally abusing us more when we’re drowning and need help..
For God’s sake…
Be that ONE..

Beginners Level:

It’s time for you to step in.
Someone in your circle has gone through this cycle, hit rock bottom and is now in a dark hole they can’t get out of.
Someone in your circle is sad or depressed and needs to talk,
And you know it!
You just don’t know that you know it loool
Be a therapist for that person today. Just call and ask how they’re doing and mean it.
Listen and let them talk it out…
And you can sue me if you don’t get multiple rewards for this beautiful act of consideration loool.

Advanced Level:

Depressed people are stuck. They can’t get out. They’re not enjoying the suffering and emotional torture, trust me.
They just can’t help but feel down.
So don’t try to give them solutions like ‘let’s go for a run’ or ‘just read Qur’an and you’ll feel better’. No! Coz they really can’t do it.

All they need is for you to empathize. Listen and try to understand and keep following up with as many sad people as you can handle. Keep knocking their doors till they get up and open it for you.

Show them there are still good, caring people in this world…
Maybe just knowing this might be enough for some of them

Special Level:

This one is for my regular and ‘anonymous’ clients
I usually take Ramadan off, but here’s a green card to contact or email me this week (till Saturday) if you guys really wanna talk.
It would be my pleasure to be your online therapist (and hopefully help if Allah will allow it).

You never know…
Sometimes a total stranger can do what a soul mate can’t..

Here’s my email:



Ramadan Kareem everyone
All my best,


Lilly S. Mohsen




Day Nine: 30 Good deeds In Ramadan

DAY NINE: Do It Once From The Heart

Is it really day 9?
So the first third of Ramadan is almost over?
I’m sure you guys know the widespread Hadith breaking up the Holy month into three stages

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “The first part of the month of Ramadan is mercy, the middle of it is forgiveness and the end of it is freedom from the Hellfire.” (Bihar al-Anwar, Vol.: 93, Pg.: 342)

Even though some say it’s a weak narration but still, I believe it serves as a roadmap for believers.
A roadmap of ‘very much needed’ hope….

And now that the first part of the Holy month is almost over, tell me, how do you feel….?
Are you tired or still gearing up for full speed?
Do you think Allah has accepted us yet…?
Do you think we’re at least nominated to join the group He’s pleased with?
Do you think….
He loves you and me?

We endure the heat of the hot summer days, feel the inside of our throats cracking slowly from the thirst, and feel the tiredness sinking in, but we push through the day till dawn. And when it’s time for iftar, we hold back for an extra minute, holding a cup of water with our eyes closed, resisting the urge to take a sip, until we finish whispering a special prayer, asking Allah to forgive the sins of the past, grant us a better future in the next life or to just heal the pain only He knows about…

Day in day out, we repeat the same pattern of “pushing through- inhaling our food- praying- reciting Qur’an- more food (plus gulping down tanks of water at suhour time)- pray- sleep- wake up- push through”
I think by the first week, we’re kind of on autopilot, right?

Except genuine feelings can never fit into a daily pattern. They need to be felt, touched and cried out….

You need to pause and think for a second, right here, right now, ‘has Allah accepted me yet…?’
Does Allah really love me…? And more importantly, do I love Him with all my heart…?

What will happen to us on the Day of Judgment? Will we find heaps of sins we once thought were ‘no big deals’? Or will we find heaps of rewards stacked up because of our little acts of kindness we also thought were ‘no big deal’?
Will we be pardoned or will He ask us tough questions? Questions we’ll be too ashamed to answer?

“Did you truly understand who you were standing before when your mind wandered during prayer?”
“You knew your sister was heart broken, why did you look the other way?”
“You had dinner tables rolled out for you while others down the street were starving. Why didn’t you help?”
“You found out some ‘hot gossip’ about this person and didn’t waste time spreading it. Haven’t I concealed your faults?”
“”You had books, internet, research facilities, lectures and countless resources to learn your religion and teach it to your kids. What else were you busy with that was more important than pleasing your Lord?”

Tears roll down when I think of this day…

I know Allah is Merciful but He’s also Fair, and let’s face it, we haven’t been through a fraction of what true believers have been through, and we’ve done so little compared to others: those in war zones, those who are homeless or suffer from chronic illnesses or disabilities. Those whose faith is severely tested through loss, deprivation and torture. I know I shouldn’t think that way, because it’s the intention that matters and Allah is the final Judge. I’m just scared we’re all doing the ‘high-five-great-job’ kind of thing and secretly being full of ourselves after praying ‘Taraweeh’ every night or doing a teeny-tiny good deed, when in reality we’re just sabotaging our relationship with Allah.

I know it sounds pessimistic and morbid, but it’s something we need to consider too.
Are we doing it all from the heart?
Ya Allah have you accepted us yet…?
Are You pleased with us?
Do You like to hear our voices…?

And then I remember this beautiful Hadith where Allah says:

“He who comes with a good deed, its reward will be ten like that or even more. And he who comes with vice, his reward will be only one like that, or I can forgive him. He who draws close to Me a hand’s span, I will draw close to him an arm’s length. And whoever draws near Me an arm’s length, I will draw near him a fathom’s length. And whoever comes to Me walking, I will go to him running. And whoever faces Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, I will meet him with forgiveness nearly as great as that, provided he does not worship something with me. (Muslim, Ibn Majah and Ahmad).


He doesn’t expect perfection…
He promised to be there for you… even when you’re broken
Even when you’ve sinned…
Even when you’re scared and weak and a total mess…
Just run to Him, humble and sincere, and He will accept you….
Just talk to Him from the heart, and He will listen and respond, no matter what you’ve done or said…
For once He loves you, this emptiness you feel inside will be washed away; that emptiness that nothing and no one can fill expect the genuine love for your Merciful Creator…

I’m sorry I don’t know why I can’t stop crying. I’m a bit emotional today…
Plus, I found ants all over the piece of chocolate I saved for Iftar, so I’m also partly crying about that too LOL

Day Nine’s act of kindness is directed towards you. There is no better deed than filling that void in your soul by drawing closer to Allah… and those who’ve felt the ‘closeness’ before know exactly what I mean…

Beginners Level:

Ask Allah to love you and to make you love Him. Tonight, ask Allah with sincerity and humility, not for Paradise or refuge from the fire, but for His love, and for Him to love you back…

Advanced Level:

Do something to show you’re serious about your request. Spend the whole day asking again and again. Help someone who can never repay you or do a secret good deed just for His sake. And then ask for that love we all desperately need.


Intense task, huh?
But you know what, when you ask the One who calls Himself ‘The Generous’ and ‘The Giver’, you’ll be granted so many blessings you didn’t even know existed.
It only takes one time…

One time from the heart…



Lilly S. Mohsen

Day Eight: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan


DAY 8: It’s Time To Thank Your Favorite One


It’s amazing how just one person can make a difference in so many lives. I still remember the ones who made a difference in mine, and amongst them are my schoolteachers, from Mrs. Gohar in 2nd second grade, who taught us that ‘sharing is caring’ (and I honestly hated sharing!) all the way to Mr. Boylen in college, who treated our work like masterpieces. (Of course I blocked out the scary mean ones, including my math teacher, who mercilessly picked on me, and is the main culprit behind my phobia of numbers. Ughhh)

Anyways, so eventually we grow up and realize there’s still so much to learn, especially in matters of religion. Yes our parents and schoolteachers probably give us the basic, textbook information, but a part of us still yearns for more. And because we’re different, we’re attracted to different methodologies of learning, all the while knowing, the best teachers are those who teach their students in ways they can understand.

When it comes to belief systems, especially religion, some of us need details. Like scrutinized and dissected information, down to a list of what the narrator of a certain Hadith had for dinner that night and the name and address of the woman who cooked it!

Some of us like brief explanations and others learn best through figuring out the morals of stories. I for one need a little bit of humor for my mind to process information properly. I got straight A’s in history because my dad used to make up funny story about Historical figures just so I can remember them all.

Let me ask a question.

Whenever you’re confused, sad or anxious or in need of a dose of spirituality, who’s the first scholar that comes to your mind?
Whoever it is, it must be someone who speaks in a way you can relate to.

Thanks to Allah, we have a lot of amazing Muslim speakers nowadays and they’ve all left their marks in this world, cured broken hearts, answered our doubts and taught us the most important lessons of all; how to be better Muslims, and how to please our Lord. These people have spent most of their lives studying the Qur’an and Sunnah and Aqeedah and Fiqh (Oh my God, do you know how difficult Fiqh 102 is?!) just so they can teach it to others and spread the words of Allah. And in the darkest most crooked times, those scholars are the bright stars guiding us to the straight path.
Day 8’s act of kindness is to show appreciation and gratitude to the Muslim leaders, and let them know how much they’re needed, loved and respected.
Seriously, it’s the least we can do for them, right?

Beginners Level:

Drop a nice comment on an article or a video by your favorite Muslim scholar or speaker. They may never have the chance to reply, but trust me, they’ll always read comments and it’ll bring much deserved joy to their hearts.

Advanced Level:

Send a thank you note, along with a story of how that scholar had affected your life positively. Take the time to show your gratitude in a heartfelt email or letter. The greatest need for humankind is to be acknowledged and appreciated, especially when the work is so noble and effective.

It’s true they do it for Allah’s sake, but whoever doesn’t thank the people doesn’t really thank Allah (that’s a hadith btw). And this Holy month is the best opportunity to thank Allah for opening our hearts to Islam, and thank the scholars for their efforts.

I’ll even make it easier for you guys and add all the top Muslim speakers’ names and contact info to this post.

Now you have no excuses!

Special Level:

Hmmmm so you don’t have a favorite scholar, huh?
What you don’t even listen to Islamic lectures? Like at all?
You’re so missing out dude! Seriously, it’s an obligation for us to learn everything there is to know about our religion, and these people make the process such a great pleasure.
Okay, don’t panic.
Deep breaths everyone.
Better late than never, right?
You’ll find the names of the top Muslim speakers below. Take your pick coz they’re all fantastic!

Who’s my favorite?
Okay I don’t know if I should say LOL. I really love and respect them all but of course one person tops the list. (Uhmm hint hint loool).
Alright here we go:


Nouman Ali Khan


Hamza Yusuf


Mufti Menk


Zakir Naik


Omar Suleiman


Bilal Phillips


Yasmin Mogahed


Yasir Qadhi


Amr Khaled (Arabic)


Mustafa Hosny (Arabic)


Omar Abdel Kafy (Arabic)


Yusuf Estes




I hope I didn’t forget anyone. If I did please let me know so I can add them before they find out!

All my best to all my beautiful readers, and have a lovely blessed weekend.

Lilly S. Mohsen





Day Seven: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan


DAY SEVEN: When You Make Your Parents Smile


And then we became parents…
And we realized how unbelievably hard it all is.
Oh my God, who knew it took so much energy to be strict? (I honestly thought my parents enjoyed having all this power, but it turns out, it’s not as fun as I thought!)
Who knew it was the hardest thing in the world to say ‘no’ to something your kids’ really wished for?

We thought they didn’t understand our struggles, when the truth is, they worked so hard to make sure we never felt theirs..
We wanted them to set us free. We didn’t know they were the glue holding our pieces together.
We didn’t consider it ‘sacrifice’ until we grew up and felt the need to put our kids’ needs before our own.
And when we finally stepped into the outside world, and took the separate journeys we couldn’t wait to start on, we realized no one can or will ever love us the way our parents do.

No one will pause his or her life to ease your pain the way your parents would.

You know what I’m doing right now?
Holding my head, while my imaginary friends compete on whom can remember the most touching childhood stories and yell them out the loudest!
(In case you’re new to the blog, my imaginary friends are all the voices in my head giving me ideas for my writings. They’re chatter boxes, they all talk at the same time and eat a lot and look funny, and some of them are real weirdos, but I love them all from the bottom of my heart LOL)

Do you remember any memories from your childhood?
Whether they were flashes of picnics, your dad running behind you trying to hit you with a shoe, your mom hugging you or punishing you or lecturing you, believe me, they’re all streams from the same river: love.

That’s what I learnt after so many years of feeling misunderstood or even oppressed at times (sorry mom and dad, it’s Ramadan and I gotta be 100% honest). I learnt that parents do it differently, but the goal is always the same: they want you to be the best version of yourself. They want to protect you and even though they don’t always do it so gracefully, they just desperately want you to learn from their mistakes and spare you the pain of what they’ve faced in life.

That’s pretty much the gist of it.

Since there’s no way you can repay them, Day Seven’s act of kindness is just a humble attempt to make your parents smile from the heart.

And I know some of you have said goodbye to one or both of their parents, and my words are bringing you more grief than gratitude. I know nothing I say can soothe the pain of losing a loved one, but I hope you’ll still put the effort to make them smile up in heaven. Just coz you don’t see them, doesn’t mean you can’t make them happy. One of the great three things we leave behind when we depart this world is a pious son or daughter making du’aa for us. That could be you this Ramadan.

And when you meet in paradise inshAllah, they’ll thank you from their hearts (you know after all the scary parts of Judgment day are over and we’re all chilling in our rose-covered palaces, by our rainbow pools, eating chocolate and NOT gaining weight!)

Beginners Level:

Say something nice to your parents. Something to make them feel all their efforts didn’t go in vain. I wouldn’t mind if you add a warm embrace to that and ‘hand-kissing’ and a little gift with a sentimental card. I really wouldn’t mind at all LOL

Advanced Level:

Make a special Iftar for them and treat them like guests of honor for the night.
Spend quality time with your parents and show them the love and care they have invested in you all these years.
I’m not gonna quote verses from the Holy Qur’an or Prophetic Hadiths about the importance of taking good care of your parents. You know them all I’m sure. So go do it from the heart…
And please tell them I say “Ramadan Kareem”


All my love
See you tomorrow inshAllah


Lilly S. Mohsen






















Day Six: 30 Good deeds In Ramadan


DAY SIX: Get Your Questions Answered


Contrary to popular belief (and by ‘popular’ I mean my kids) I really don’t know everything!

None of us do.

We all have questions, doubts and uncertainties. Which is okay when it comes to stuff like the decimal system for example, but when it comes to our own religion, doubts can be destructive.
I’ll tell you why…

So this person asks you, ‘Why is alcohol forbidden in Islam?”
Your first reply would be “Because Allah said so”
Then the next question would probably be along the lines of “But why? Aren’t you guys allowed to unwind and have some fun?”
What do you say now?
You’ll probably go into defense or attack mode (yeah, a clear proof of how much ‘fun’ Muslims can be)
Or you’ll start mumbling about health hazards and how foolish people look when they get drunk. Right?

Well, if you have a logical, educated, proven answer then great! (insert virtual applause here). But if you don’t, then it’s time you get some answers, because if you can’t explain it then chances are, you don’t really understand it. And if you don’t understand it, then chances are, you’re not convinced enough to maintain practicing it or avoiding it, and therefore will probably be unable to pass it on to your kids.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Anas ibn Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Seeking knowledge is an obligation upon every Muslim.” (Sahih)

Okay pop-quiz everyone.
Here are some of the questions I never knew the answers to till recently. Do you think you’d be able to come up with convincing ones for all of them?

Let’s give it a try…

Why are Muslim men allowed four wives?
Why did the Prophet marry a 9 year old?
Why must homosexuals burn in hell if they were born that way?
What’s with the ‘Kill them where you find them” verse that’s got every non-Muslim screaming ‘terrorists’ in our faces?
What’s our deal with the Jews? Did the Prophet really order a Jewish massacre once?
Is the Hijab really an obligation?
Seriously? Does the Qur’an really allow physical abuse of women?

Plus so many more….

You know what happens when you don’t address your doubts? You become insecure and resentful of your OWN belief system. You detach from it coz eventually, as you grow older and get exposed to different doctrines, somehow Islamic ‘sharia’ doesn’t make sense anymore (did you look around when I said the word ‘sharia’? Coz that’s obviously a term used against us for some wacko reason!)

Well, now is the BEST time to answer all these questions. Seriously guys, you owe it to yourselves to be informed. The Holy month is your opportunity to do some research and get some logical answers instead of looking like this every time someone asks you a difficult question (oops I forgot I’m on my laptop so I can’t insert the ‘clueless’ icon face I’m looking for, but you know what I mean, right?)

So for Day Six, your good deed will be to educate yourself about Islam. If you think about it, it’s actually an act of kindness towards yourself!

Beginners Level:

Take it slow. Download this amazing app called “Ayah A Day”, which explains one verse of the Qur’an a day through a very interesting audio by the one and only, Nouman Ali Khan. Each one is literally less than 3 minutes!
Before you know it, you’ll have a lot of knowledge.

Advanced Level:

Walk the walk.

Do your homework and write down all the questions you’re iffy about, then research the answers until you’re completely satisfied. (The ‘100% guaranteed-or-money-back’ kind of satisfaction)

Want a head start?

Here you go….

Why Can’t We Drink And Have Fun?


Is Hijab An Obligation?


Qur’an Allows Hitting Women??


Are We Allowed To Kill Non-Muslims?


Homosexuality. So?


The Four Wives Fiasco


Looks like I just did your homework for you.
Nah, you don’t have to do something for me in return
No really, it was my pleasure.
You insist?  Okay then looool
Please remember me and my family in your du’aa. There are no words to explain how much I need it right now…

Sometimes one sincere prayer from the heart can change someone’s life…
Thank you…

May Allah accept us all….
See you tomorrow inshAllah





Lilly S. Mohsen







Lilly S. Mohsen