Monthly Archives: December 2015

Why You Need To Say It Before The New Years

Published on the 22nd December, 2015
For The Daily Crisp

Unsaid.jpg

Say It Before It’s Too Late…

If you haven’t seen the animation movie ‘Inside Out’, I suggest you leave this article and go watch it.

No don’t worry about me, I’ll just wait here…

This movie shows the five primary emotions as characters; anger, fear, sadness, disgust and joy, who literally control the motherboard of your brain and as a result affect your feelings, thoughts and behaviors. I like to imagine that in December of every year, those five people inside your head sit down for a board meeting, each with a cup of coffee and a huge pile of dusty files of all the things that were left unsaid….

Anger: “You wusses! I say it a million times every single year but you all won’t listen to me! The only way to deal with a problem is to spit it out! Some people just need a wake-up slap! On the face! With a BASEBALL BAT! I’ve held so much anger inside I’m gonna explode soon! And it’s not like we have a shredder for these stupid ‘unsaid’ files! What am I supposed to do with this rage now, ha? You’re all COWARDS! PUSHOVERS!”

Fear: “Whoa! What if you say the things you need to say, pour your heart out then get rejected? Or get in trouble? What if you stand up for what you believe in and end up shunned? Ridiculed? Oh my God, what if you lose your friends or loved ones coz you said things they don’t wanna hear? I say it’s not worth the risk! Shove those files in the back of your mind and we’ll all be okay! Better safe than sorry!”

Sadness: “I agree with Mr. Fear. It doesn’t matter anyway.. No one will understand. It’s better to leave things unsaid than say them and realize no one cares. Bearing an untold story is a great agony, but there’s no guarantee the pain will go away if you share it.. “

Disgust: “Ughh Sadness, you’re so negative you make me sick! But I can’t say things like that to other people! I judge them silently instead. I doubt them, make all kinds of assumptions and never get any answers coz I’m too proud to ask or too disgusted to look at them! I don’t give advice or help people fix their lives coz no one likes a ‘know-it-all’. I have so much to say, but now it’s too late..”

Joy: ”I know you guys think I’m perfect but I’m not. I have a huge pile of unsaid things too. But my files are beautiful. They’re filled with love, appreciation, compliments and gratitude… except I never had the chance to express them.”

And then the CEO of the brain concludes the meeting with a bang on the desk and a frustrating question: “What are we gonna do with all these dusty files? The storage is completely over packed, the doors won’t even open! There’s no more room!”

Look me in the eye and tell me honestly….

Do you have bite marks on your tongue from all the things you never said…?

Is your heart filled with love for someone, but that person has no idea?

Did you ever drift apart from a friend and were left with all the things you didn’t say?

Are you trapped in a relationship, muted or too drained to explain?

Do you let your anger speak coz it’s easier to rage than admit you’re weak or vulnerable?

Are you too proud to apologize or too hurt to ask for an apology?

Did you say it…?

‘I love you’, ‘I’m sorry’, ‘I can’t live without you’, ‘You hurt me’, ‘I need help’

Did you say it before it’s too late….?

I’ve got news for you guys. This might come as a shock but do you know what happens when you bury a seed in the ground? It grows! It grows so big that it becomes a huge tree. The unspoken seeds of hurt turn to anger, the silent gratitude turns to high expectations, the un-given help or advice turns to guilt, and the unrevealed love will suffocate the life out of you. We think avoiding something will make it go away, but the truth is, the words left unsaid will sit in your mind screaming. Sometimes it’s not what people say, it’s what they don’t say that hurts the most.

 

Since you started reading this, you’ve been thinking of specific people or perhaps one special person you left things unresolved with. And do you know how I know that person is special? Besides the fact that I have magic powers, we both know that the opposite of love is not hate! It’s indifference…

So whoever popped in your mind, be it someone you love or wanna strangle coz they’ve hurt you so much, that person is a part of you…. An unresolved tangled knot in your heart….

Put your ego on the side, find your calm soul and say the things you’ve left unsaid. Believe me, it’ll haunt you forever if you don’t. A conflict is never about what we see, it’s about the buried wounds left unhealed. And we carry this huge burden day after day, year after year, and it changes who we are in the process….

December is just a reminder to deal with the old before you start the new. If you want to do better, reach your goals, travel far with your dreams, you need to travel light. Put down that burden and go make it right…

With the things that were left… unsaid…

 

Happy New Years

 

Lilly S. Mohsen

 

 

 

 

Where Does Your ‘But’ Come In?

But

Published on The Daily Crisp
October 7th, 2015

 

The Key To A Magnetic Personality

When I was a little girl, my dad told me a story that stayed engraved in my memory till this day. He said a wife once sat down and listed all the negative things that bothered her…

‘Our daughter had a horrible car accident..”

“Our son failed his midterms..”

“My husband hates my cooking..”

The woman went to sleep with a heavy heart. In the morning, her husband found that piece of paper and decided to add a set of ‘buts’ to the list…

‘Our daughter had a horrible car accident, but she bounced back and drives safely now.”

“Our son failed his midterms but he didn’t give up. He studies harder now and will surely ace his finals!”

“My husband hates my cooking, but he really loves me….”

I learnt three things from this simple story:

  • The problem is not in having problems. It’s how we choose to deal with the problem that can create a bigger problem. (Read this part again. It sounds like blabbering but I promise it makes sense!)
  • There are three sides to every story: Yours, mine and the truth.
  • What we learn in childhood greatly affects our adulthood. So make sure you choose your words carefully when speaking to your kids. (Thank you for always applying that rule daddy! I love you!)

Anyways….

It turns out this story is a manifestation of the secret identity that lies deep within each and every one of us. Perspective is a powerful tool! Like a magnet, it ultimately pulls you towards one of these two categories:

The ‘But’ People

I wanna say ‘pun intended’, but no, that would be mean and highly inappropriate. Plus it really shatters the mature image I promised myself to portray in this writing. Actually the ‘but’ people aren’t so bad, they just confuse ‘realism’ with ‘pessimism’ and it goes something like this…

“I had a good time at the party, BUT the food was horrible and the table settings were hideous!” or “My husband got me flowers, a diamond ring and took me out for my birthday, BUT he spent half an hour on the phone with his mom! He’s so cold and inconsiderate!”

These people will acknowledge the positive things in their lives, but once they say them out loud, their teeth hurt and they quickly dump the negatives on you before you start thinking they’re happy and content. They’ll find a problem for every solution, a flaw in every blessing and bitterness in every sweet memory. ‘Hope’ is a foreign, dangerous enemy in their eyes, and ‘nit-picking sarcasm’ is synonym with ‘funny’. Their ‘buts’ come in after every positive, which of course brings out their nagging side to the open and it’s us who have to pay the price for both their blessings and misfortune by listening to them complain about BOTH! I mean for the love of God!

Okay, all done ranting! (Sheeeeshhhhh)

The ‘But-tered Up’ People

Consider yourself very lucky if you’re in contact with one of those, I know I am! Oh these people butter you up with the sweetest, most soothing words, it’s hard to tell if they’re complaining about life or praising it!

“I lost my job and my house burnt down, BUT thank God I have some money saved! I’m so blessed!”

They’ll acknowledge the problems just fine, but they’re so blinded to the difficulties it actually makes your jaws drop. Their ‘buts’ come after the negatives trailing hope and positivism. They just know it in their hearts that everything will be okay. That’s the only option on their table…

Which One Are You?

There’s no pessimist or optimist gene! Being cynical is a choice, and so is being hopeful. Take it from someone who’s been both, and knows the magnitude of each. You don’t have to be ‘over-the-moon, riding-a-unicorn-on-a-chocolate-fountain’ kind of happy to see the positive side of life. You only need this key…
Acceptance…

Accepting reality instead of expecting it to become the fairytale you imagined it to be! Coz let’s face it, the grumpy, cranky attitude won’t change anything, except perhaps change you into the human version of a headache and repel everyone around you. Accept that life was never tailored to be perfect, and that whatever cards you’ve been dealt, about 90% of the world’s population doesn’t even have cards to play with!

But….

Even if your life is a complete and total nightmare… One thing in it brings you and I immense joy and will always be the main reason why people become addicted to being around you…

And that is… Your smile…

 

Lilly S. Mohsen